So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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