There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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