No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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