Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Soap is not a condiment
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
