I look better un-naked...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
