You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
