bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
