Umm I'm too high to move.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
