in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
