you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
