I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
