bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
