Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
