You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
