What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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