i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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