is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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