if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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