Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
