Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
