I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
