so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
