So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
