So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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