you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
