You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
