there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
