Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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