You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
