I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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