I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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