quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
