last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
