I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
