It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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