She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
