Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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