So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
