I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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