I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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