There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
false alarm, still single
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
