me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Couch. On fire.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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