Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
