why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
