2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
