idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
