I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
