Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
