i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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