I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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