i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
