all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
