its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I touched a dick in church today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize