If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
