APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
