sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
