And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
