she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
