Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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