Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
