she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
