And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
