totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
