one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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