absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
