I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
