oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i love accidental penises.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
