You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
