This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
