So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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