Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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