I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
