I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
